Should pastors be in charge of the church's money? SAME. Looks like trouble is brewing. For instance, if you agree that the King James version is the only Bible that should be preached out of but one of you likes to watch messages by pastors that use Bibles that mention unicorns and such, that isn’t proper and doesn’t even make sense. Not only will it help them grow closer to each other and to God, but it will help their children learn about Jesus.”. But given the things you have said here, I would most likely do the same thing. Recognize that this is a plot of the enemy of our faith to hurt God, and to separate you in your “cord of three strands” covenant marriage. It is inconsistent in it’s message at times and unity on issues. And you have to value prayer. Yes, it’s sad that your kids wouldn’t be able to attend Awana, but the fact that they are thriving in their catechism class is such a good thing. Please read through the following topic because you are dealing with someone who is acting like an unbeliever. But what about spouses who live together and yet they can’t agree upon the same church? The pastor may have some involvement or authority in the church finances. CELEBRITY pastor Carl Lentz’s wife, Laura, was also fired from her job as a leader within Hillsong Church due to her husband’s infidelity, The Sun can exclusively report. If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations? The context is the body of the church —all of us corporately that believe in Jesus as Savior and Lord. I pray you adjust well, and that your family does too. Therefore, they keep up that tradition. I love being the pastor here. She has known nothing else since she was 18 (yes, she got married at 18, get over it). BUT if you attend different churches, you need to each go to each other’s functions etc… (here it comes…) BE CAREFUL, affairs start in church too. When I go to church and see couples, I have this awful feeling about myself. “I have to basically balance two different things,” the 41 … Honor one another above yourselves. (When the pastor is a woman the same could be said for the pastor’s husband, but this article focuses on the wives of male pastors.) Saturday nights were the pinnacle of the weekend—restful and enjoyable. They get along and they have great relationship; it’s successful. Suppose a couple, both born again believers, both in a positions of serving, attended the same church together for several years but then God clearly calls the wife out and sends her to a different church. First, churches belong to Christ, not to any person. Unite. I am not perfect, but I may well be typical — and that is fine by me. Click To Tweet. It may be that we haven’t come across the right couple(s) yet. This is so very, very hard. But I am finding that after many years of marriage, we seem to be drifting into two completely different worlds. While you claim to have the same faith as he, I can't help but notice that you only claim a vague faith in Jesus as your common belief. You cut the grass thinking about the church. Pastors’ children aren’t supposed to act that way.” My internal emotional reaction was carnal. Things were going on well at this church as we attended it together (with our three children – 6, 4 & 1 year). You did not say why you are choosing to attend a different church than your husband. Its Gods word. He reached out to us, and lived, died, and rose again for us. 5. We believe a married couple will have a tendency to grow spiritually closer to each other if they attend the same church. It’s a problem if it divides you in your marriage. Thank you so much for this article. I am praying along and hoping Holy Spirit will timely intervene. I am currently going through the same issue. We can see his point. Even so, it is the rare couple that can attend different churches and still be close to each other —especially spiritually. So far, I have continued to attend church with my husband, but am increasingly growing frustrated with the situation. Some pastors tend to overlook the trend and say they are called to preach only to the people left in the church. The pastor’s wife is not a conduit for the congregation to send messages, suggestions, or criticisms to the pastor. I find this is disturbing. There are several scriptures that must be considered. I don’t think fighting about this anymore with him is getting us anywhere. As a New Pastor’s Wife, Change Your View of Saturdays. for her to attend another church 100% of the time while her husband is on the pulpit. HIs kids sports often get in the way or some random excuse. This has been a long road for us growing up, marrying and my husband and us attending the same nondenominational church I grew up in. Carl Lentz was fired by Hillsong Church last week for infidelity Credit: … Outbreak at Patten church where pastor’s wife died of COVID-19 under investigation by Alexander MacDougall December 15, 2020 December 15, 2020. The problem didn’t arise because Christians were few in number in those days.”, “If it’s at all possible, however, I certainly urge couples to attend the same church. I wish someone had told me that people honestly think a pastor’s wife should do anything at all different than what she would do anyway. My heart goes out to you Libby, as a wife and as a mom. The constant burden of loving and leading a local church is taxing, and the pressure a pastor feels inevitably impacts his wife. I also find that people in my church are “money and success oriented” and unduly impressed with wealth. I recommend the same thing to you that I previously recommended to Libby. Sometimes, I feel I am failing at holding my home together. Our kids grew up having a high view of their dad’s calling, and they also knew that they were his central qualification for the ministry. She holds an M.A. Be devoted to one another in love. It’s great to know there are more people out there going through this issue, but my constant prayer is that God in his infinite might will continue to make things clearer for us all. How God Uses This Ministry to Help Marriages, What Cindy Wright Has Learned About Marriage, What Steve Wright Has Learned About Marriage. They are two separate jobs which have some overlap. Posted by. (Ephesians 4:1-6). We’ve seen it eventually divide them in various ways. For sure, I know what it’s like and I know how much of a struggle it can be at times. So keep that in mind that this is more of the exception, than the rule. Sometimes a church, almost without realizing it, can have unrealistic expectations of their pastor’s wife—what she should do, how she should respond or how she should relate to everyone. His desire should be for you to be blessed and he should try to take the lead in protecting the integrity of your holistic participation in Christ’s body. May the Lord hear my cries. Hers is a very difficult and stressful role. They aren’t mature enough to know what they want. I am a victim of this situation and I found this out because of trying to find a solution and ensure peace and unity reigns in my home. But if they acknowledge Jesus as the Way, Truth, and the Life and the way to our Heavenly Father, you are golden. She also alleged that that the pastors and leaders were gossips. Most people want their spouse to be with them in heaven after this life is over. You have to value tithing and honoring God, putting him first in your money. Is it right for the pastor to have authority over the finances? … Those that BELIEVE will be saved. If you come to a place where this is separating you in unity as a husband and wife then it would be time to revisit this issue. 2. Pray, read, glean, and use the info you believe God would have you. Thank you for the helpful article. I’ve struggled in different seasons with all 5 temptations. Dealing with criticism of my husband. They don't connect with people in the church or get involved with any ministry. — The Central Baptist Church Conway congregation is hurting after learning the pastor’s wife died of COVID-19. Help is available. I’ve missed certain things about every church and miss friends there. I attend a church I heard about, and truly feel at home there. Here are some examples: The Commuter– These are people who have moved just outside of the reasonable driving radius of the church. “I’ve seen people, where one spouse goes to one and another spouse goes to another. I don’t enjoy anything about that church. I’m not above any of it. They should seek to find out the reason people who were once faithful are finding it necessary to leave. We are currently engaged and unsure of what to do in regards to how we want to raise our future children. To be honest, if she is truly desiring to please the Lord, she will be a better wife to you, and will love you too.” (We encourage you to read the rest of the answer given at: ASK THE MINISTER). A couple in such a situation may be forced to attend different churches, especially if one or both spouses consider the other spouse’s beliefs to be unbiblical. But don’t fight over it. Our home church has increased it’s contemporary feel and worship style. Others can take a … And then there’s the pastor’s wife herself. During her time there God grows her exponentially, she becomes filled with the Spirit and now prays in tongues. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. “Whether it be the death of a member, whether it be somebody upset, whether it be losing funding, whether it be just all sorts of different things, or maybe just our own depression, just dealing with being locked up at home,” said Pastor Mike Leake at Calvary of Neosho, a Southern Baptist church. It is better to attend different churches, at least for a while, until you can work out a more peaceable solution. Some couples attend a Saturday night ‘contemporary’ meeting but also occasionally a Sunday morning ‘traditional’ service at the same church.” (Phillip J. Swihart from the Focus on the Family article, What If We Don’t Like the Same Church?). Giving each other space and grace on this issue seems to be more in line with God’s will than fighting over it. A church in Texas is mourning the unexpected death of their pastor and his wife who were involved in a car crash in New Mexico on Sep. 24. We have kids that have friends in the church and while I do view them as Christian, they believe that those that do not hold their beliefs (such as the 7th day sabbath) are not truly called at this time and do not have the Holy Spirit. “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. But like Cindy has said before, if you are growing spiritually at your own churches, and you get the Ok from your husband, it would be OK. However, when asked about this issue of attending different churches Billy wrote: “The Bible doesn’t say anything directly about this. But this blog for pastors wives is different. It grieves my heart deeply but I have prayed about it and believe God to do something about it. Call a truce. Third, whether you were a preacher's wife or just another member, the answer would not vary. I’m struggling because with their fellowship guidelines it means our kids won’t be able to go to Awana at our old church, but my husband doesn’t believe Decision Theology so they probably would end up not going anyway. Thoughts? Amid all of this, Manning has pushed ahead. Thanks for sharing it. Being confessional or believing or not believing Decision Theology seems minor and I believe the Lord is patient with us. I am going through a similiar thing. Reply. “Leading and Loving It” is a ministry connecting, … Accept it. Realize that the enemy comes to divide. THING! Of course, if you are in different locations, that would be one exception. Amen. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Although my wife and I came from different denominations, we happily attended the same church in our small community. Is it wrong to attend multiple churches? I believe as you look to the Lord in this you will find that this is a good move for the family. Immediately I felt a gentle kick on my ankle. Again, she has decided to stop attending church because she believes there is some form of gossip. As pastors we need to know how to identify people who need to be invited to go to a different church. You may have supportive elders and staff, but your senior position means you own the church, feel the church, breathe the church. At least five other members of the church’s staff, as well as the pastor’s wife, were also infected by the deadly virus, Reade said, adding that they have now recovered. He told all of us to back off and let him do this his way. They claim to be Bible based, but so many of their teachings are extra Biblical and separate them from other Christians. If they … For me non-denominational means accepting other denominations that BELIEVE Christ died for our sins and have fruits of repentance. If she isnt too old, or too fat. Look again at your focus. Perhaps the most unsung person in a church is the pastor’s wife. “I am expected to attend every function at the church.” One wife told us that church members resent it when she is seen doing anything outside the church. The burdens of their congregation members are constantly on their mind. I can’t bear to go to church alone without my spouse and children and I’m feeling the heat. Be sure… very sure you have come upon an agreement before you would marry. I believe she will eventually see that it is not right, but I do not want my children to be damaged by the exclusivist and overly law-based beliefs. They change the church constitution frequently. (See: Ecclesiastes 4:12.) And no he does not want to church shop anymore, he’s set. If a husband and wife attend different churches, it must be that 1) one of the churches is not a Bible-believing church and one of them does not want to go there for that reason, or 2) one (or both) of them does not understand the importance of unity among the body of believers. You should go to your church —at least as a starting point. My family is currently going through this situation right now and it has caused me no little pain and heartache. We knew that no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t meet everyone’s expectations. Meanwhile, Joe Biden attended a much quieter service at a church he and his wife have been attending for several years now. I don’t want this for my children or wife, but she can make her own decision. And this church is a church full of believers but they’re just are bit closed with their fellowship views. More than this seems to get into the untenable position that there is a certain level of rightness that will get you saved. See "Pastors and Preachers" for more details. They spend countless hours studying the Word to be ready on Sunday morning, and they counsel every type of situation and pray that God will intervene. Oooooh, that means our kids will be pastor’s kids. Log In Sign Up. She is not responsible for the decisions her husband or the board of elders makes. Do you attend different churches as a husband and wife because you can’t agree upon the same one? …Expect that if you’re both seeking what God wants, have a spirit of unselfishness, and genuinely wish to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own needs first. A pastor’s wife can at at times have a weird give and take with their churches. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. We whole-heartedly agree. God doesn’t want a dispute over church choice to tear your marriage apart. Remember the Bible’s admonition: ‘Let us not give up meeting together… but let us encourage one another.‘” (Hebrews 10:25) (This quote comes from the article we encourage you to read in its entirety, plus comments afterward: Does the Bible Say a Husband and Wife Must Go to the Same Church?). 3. His wife, Lauren, and three children also were sickened, as was Lauren’s grandfather, who died in October. Somewhere along the line she became uninterested in church activities. Where is that line drawn? They have additional info posted that you will want to read on this issue. We’ve seen where going to different churches works for couples, but they just don’t seem as tight in partnership as those who are tight in their relationship with Christ, and go to the same church. If your husband is doing well, and your sons are too, I would make the necessary adjustments to my life. Below are portions of some of the answers given. Sure, it looks different for everyone, but we are working it out. If you respect her, you will allow her to worship at a church, which she believes in. The description of that church is found in the book Jesus left for his followers, which is the New Testament. Your elders and associates are wonderful, but you feel responsible for them too! We have a three year old son and my prayer is that God shines in my husband’s heart to truly get to know Jesus. Opinions will vary when it comes to answering the question of whether or not we should leave a church if it allows women to preach and teach from the pulpit. Although it is mainstream now in its beliefs, the church he attends is just not growing. We believe this is both a wonderful thing to do, but also comes with great blessing for church leadership. I’m just glad I held my tongue. The church is a place that is a load bearing wall. We are not arguing. If a husband doesn’t agree with the preachers teaching and doctrine then the household needs to be going in the direction of its leader, the husband. The church is popular among millennials and others. We could only be true to the call that God had placed on our lives. Our sacrifices are nothing compared to His for us… and for your husband, should he someday wake up. However, I am the secretary/treasurer at our church and do not feel I should quit my job to go to the church he is going to. Though i feel like parents going to different churches will set a bad example for when … They don’t mean to; it’s just their immature ways. Conversation is strained, as we have so little in common to talk about. The husband remains at the church they attended together and the wife takes up with the church God called her to. “We have several church members who feel free to complain to me about my … How does a pastor's wife live up to the high expectations of the church? 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